Having one of those days where you feel heavy and, if you think too hard, a bit apathetic. M introduced me to the concept of being emotionally sensitive not too long ago, and after talking in a whisper about which of our friends were clearly NOT emotionally sensitive, I began to see the value.
Example: “The fact that he is posting that pic of his best girlfriend on Insta when he just got together with someone else? He is so not in touch with what he’s feeling about her.”
etc.
After whining about about it for awhile I realized I was not being emotionally sensitive, and that perhaps instead of complaining about how heavy I felt I should do something to nourish my soul. So, after class, I laid, in my bathrobe, in my dear husband’s arms for 3 episodes of House before doing a strong yoga session and a bit of meditation. Sometimes, all you need is some rest and ease. I am beginning to feel more whole again.
I am thinking very seriously about making a commitment to waking up earlier and setting aside some time for this type of spiritual nourishment–not to watch television, per se, but a more prophylactic practice that will prevent needing such rest. A good experiment, I think. (I’m kind of into life experiments lately. Like Ghandi).
During my abiding, which took place mostly during my meditation session, I was resting in this vision I have not really shared yet for fear of it not happening: I applied for an amazing clinical research fellowship that would take us overseas for a year. News doesn’t come until next month, but I have such a great vibe about it (and I put much faith in vibes). In the simplest sense, it would just make so much sense as a first step towards the life that M and I have always envisioned for ourselves. I crave that running start: working and living in a simple place where what I have to offer is so badly needed. I crave the experience that would come with an immersion into culture, the necessity of community so real, the dependence on each other so tangible. The possibility of living into all of these things that our God has been teaching us about life in His Kingdom.
But, alas. I have not even heard the news yet.
So I will continue to wait. To study. To meditate. To work. To abide.